The Color Purple

Entire sketch or shortened for a news bit?

M: What are you doing?

K: I'm writing an open letter to the color purple.

M: The 1983 Pulitzer Prize winning book by Alice Walker?

K: No, the color purple

M: Oh, you mean the 1985 Whoppi Goldburg classic film adaptation

K: NO, the color purple!

M: OH, the 2005 broadway musical! Can I get in on that? I've got a few things to say to Quincy Jones and Oprah Winfrey. Namely...(insert question about them or black people in general)

K: Jesus, no. I am writing an open letter to the color purple!

M: You mean the color? Purple? The color purple.

K: Yes, and it's very important.

M: I don't get it. What's wrong with purple?

K: Are you kidding me? Where do I start? Those California Raisins terrorized me so much as a kid that I couldn't line dance until I was 32 for fear of doing the "grapevine"

M: Oh come on.

K: Bruises? Purple.

M: Were you abused?

K: No, but I'm reeeeealy clumsy. And not the adorable, charming kind of clumsy. The, "for the love of Jesus, make sure she stays away from sharp objects and missile launching devises" kind of clumsy. Just the name itself is horrifying. "Per" "Pull"? That sounds like how a lousy hooker charges.

M: I never want to meet that hooker.

K: You and me both, Sister

(either rap it up here for a news bit or take it to it's logical conclusion, ie Prince and a huge choral ensemble, laser light show, etc)

In the Beginning

So, I need to write. I want to write. About everything. And here's where I'll do it. Some of it will be funny and some of it will try so hard to be funny, it will fail miserably and make your collective asses clench tightly. 

It all begins tonight. You have been warned.